Lamers since 2/28/99
How to keep a Healthy Level of Sanity (and Drive Other People Insane)
1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
3. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'
4. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
5. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
6. Insist that your e-mail address be email@example.com.
7. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
8. Suggest that the Coke machine be filled with beer.
9. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
10. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
11. Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
12. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
13. For a relaxing break, get away from it all in the fish tank with a mask and snorkel. If no one notices, ditch the snorkel and see how many fish you can catch in your mouth.
14. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
15. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
16. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors'.
17. When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep tuned up.
18. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
19. Practice making fax and modem noises.
20. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers, then cc them to your boss.
21. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
22. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
23. Dont use any punctuation
24. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
25. Ask people what sex they are.
26. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
27. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
28. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
29. type only in lowercase.
30. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
31. Spel al you're wordz incorect.
32. And the final way to annoy people: Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.