Who is he? Why is he here? How l33t is he? What is his favorite color?

All this and more on this edition of...
-= Interview with |-|@X0®-|)00|) =-

Interviewer: I'd like to thank you for taking part in this interview. I think we'll be able to- |-|@X0®-|)00|): H3ll0!? H3LL0!?! Wh0 3lS3 iS 0n th3 lin3?!??! Interviewer: Uh, what? |-|@X0®-|)00|): N0thing... S0®®¥, I th0Ught I w4S b3ing t®4©3d. G0 4h34d.

Interviewer: Okay... As I was saying, you seem to be one of the most popular member of the LamerKatz, one of the most widely acclaimed Quake II clans-

|-|@X0®-|)00|): TH3 m0St wid3l¥ 4©©l4im3d, ¥0U m34n.

Interviewer: ...on the Internet today. One of the-

|-|@X0®-|)00|): 4nd I think I'm TH3 m0St p0pUl4® m3mb3® t00, whi©h m4k3S m3 TH3 m0St p0pUl4® m3mb3® 0ƒ TH3 m0St p0pUl4® ©l4n.

Interviewer: Wait, okay... before we go any further I need to ask you to let me finish talking before you interrupt me. Okay?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): Wh0? Interviewer: What? |-|@X0®-|)00|): G0 4h34d m4n, I'm w4iting. Sh33Sh, S0m3 p30pl3 4®3 kind 0ƒ Sl0w... Interviewer: What do you... I mean you were the one that... How come... |-|@X0®-|)00|): D4mnit I'V3 g0t thingS t0 d0 4nd p30pl3 t0 kill, l3tS g3t g0ing!

Interviewer: Fine. First of all, what's your real name?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): J0$h 3. Ph4tm4n J®.

Interviewer: 3? Your middle name is "3"

|-|@X0®-|)00|): N0, StUpid. "3" 4S in "3dmUnd"

Interviewer: I see... Well, Mr. Phatman, one question that's on everyone's mind is how exactly you became so cool? Obviously your "|-|@X0®-|)00|)" alias implies a sense of power and dignity, yet you seem to be almost "untouchable", so to speak. What is it that sets you apart from the other computer nerds out there? |-|@X0®-|)00|): ƒi®St 0ƒ 4ll, S33 I t4lk lik3 SU©h 4 b4d4SS. SqU4®3S lik3 ¥0U ©0Uldn't p0SSibl¥ ©0mp®3h3nd th3 l33t ©0d3 th4t I t4lk in. 3V3n th0Ugh it m4¥ S33m ®34d4bl3, th3®3 4®3 ©0Untl3SS hidd3n S3©®3t h4x0® ©0d3S hidd3n within 3V3®¥ S3nt3n©3. Interviewer: So by replacing every alphanumerical character with some other character that resembles it in some weird "techno" way, you're able to hide codes and messages readable only to other hacker friends?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): Unƒ0®tUn4t3l¥ th4t'S 4S Sp3©iƒi© 4S I ©4n b3 ®ight n0w. 3V3n iƒ I ©0Uld t3ll ¥0U h0w, it w0Uld t4k3 ¥34®S 0ƒ t®4ining t0 b3 4bl3 t0 d3©0d3 th3 ©0mpl3x 3n©®¥pti0n 4lg0®ithm. ¥0U® ƒ33bl3 b®4in w0Uld ƒ®¥ m3®3 m0nthS int0 th3 t®4ining.

Interviewer: Of course it would. Is anything else that elevates you above the norm?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): M¥ M4D-l33t-4SS QU4k3 II Skillz inSt4ntl¥ t4k3 m3 t0 4 high3® S0©i4l l3V3l th4n ¥0U, 4nd m¥ Unp®3©3d3nt3d h4x0®ing Skillz in ©0mbin4ti0n with m¥ l4®g3 ©0ll3©ti0n 0ƒ \\'4®3z m4k3 m3 4 ®34ll¥ ©00l dUd3, n0t t0 m3nti0n m¥ ®Ugg3d g00d l00kS.

Interviewer: Speaking of looks, why is it that every single picture of you is blurred, grainy, or taken at a distance? |-|@X0®-|)00|): Wh4t 4®3 ¥0U, kidding? I ©4n't l3t 4n¥0n3 kn0w m¥ t®U3 id3ntit¥, wh4t with th3 ƒBI, ©I4 4nd KGB t®4iling m3 4nd 4ll. Th4t'S wh¥ I US3 m¥ l33t 4®tiSt SkillS in m¥ h4x0®3d V3®Si0n 0ƒ Wind0z3 P4int t0 diSgUiS3 m¥ ƒ4©i4l ƒ34tU®3S. 0ƒ ©0U®S3, I w34® SUngl4SS3S 100% 0ƒ th3 tim3 S0 th4t I ©4n't b3 p0SitiV3l¥ id3ntiƒi3d. I 3V3n wh3®3 SUngl3SS3S wh3n I'm Sl33ping, th4t Sh0wS h0w S3®i0US I 4m.

Interviewer: But didn't you already give out your full name?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): ¥34h, bUt I h4x0®3d int0 th3 g0V3®nm3nt d4t4b4S3 4nd d3l3t3d 4ll ®3©0®dS 0ƒ m¥S3lƒ, mU4h4h4h4h4h4h!!

Interviewer: Of course... What about the mailing address you gave us us to mail you the check?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): Th4t'S m3®3l¥ 4 d3liV3®¥ p0int. I h4V3 0n3 0ƒ m¥ thUgS pi©k th3 ©h3©k Up, 4nd d3p0Sit it int0 4n Unt®4©34bl3 Sw3diSh b4nk 4©©0Unt. MU4h4h4h4h4h4!

Interviewer: Yeah okay, you got me beat there. Let's talk Quake II. Obviously you have some fancy skills, as seen in the Quake II surveillance videos. How do you play so well? |-|@X0®-|)00|): Simpl3, I h4x0®3d QU4k3II t0 giV3 m3 Unlimit3d liƒ3, 4mm0, w34p0nS, 4nd 3V3®¥thing 3lS3. I h4x0®3d th3 g®4Vit¥ S0 I ©4n jUmp 4S high 4S I w4nt, plUS I h4V3 4 Sp3©i4l w34p0n th4t giV3S 3V3®¥0n3 3lS3 0n th3 S3®V3® 4 ©®4pl04d 0ƒ l4g, 4H4H4H4H4! Interviewer: What do you say in response to the people that call that "cheating"?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): Th3¥'®3 jUSt m4d b3©4US3 th3¥'®3 n0t 4S l33t 4S m3. PlUS th3¥ kn0w th4t I ©4n h4x int0 th3i® ©0mpUt3®S 4nd ƒ0®m4t th3i® h4®d d®iV3S in th3 blink 0ƒ 4n 3¥3. Sin©3 I'm SU©h 4 l33t d00d, I d0n't n33d t0 w0®®¥ 4b0Ut piddling d3t4ilS lik3 th4t.

Interviewer: And what speed connection do you have?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): W3ll th3¥ d0n't 0ƒƒ3® T1, DSL, 0® ©4bl3 m0d3mS h3®3 4t m¥ p4®3nt'S h0US3, bUt ©h3©k thiS 0Ut... I h4x0®3d m¥ 14.4 b4Ud m0d3m 4nd 0V3®©l0©k3d m¥ ph0n3 lin3 t0 giV3 m3 4 7.4 mbpS ©0nn3©ti0n!! MUh4h4h4h4h!! W3'®3 t4lking ©0nSiSt3nt pingS 0ƒ S mS 0® l3SS. N0t 0nl¥ th4t, I h4x0®3d m¥ ISP S0 I'm n0t p4¥ing ƒ0® it 4t 4ll, in ƒ4©t th3¥'®3 P4¥ING M3! MU4h4h4h44h!!

Interviewer: Have you ever hacked into the CIA or FBI databases before? |-|@X0®-|)00|): SU®3, bUt 0nl¥ 4 ƒ3w tim3S. It'S t00 34S¥ ƒ0® m3, ¥0U kn0w? I'm l00king ƒ0® m0®3 0ƒ 4 ©h4ll3ng3, lik3 h4©king int0 G30®g3 LU©4S'S ©0mpUt3® 4nd d0wnl04d th3 n3xt St4® W4®S S©®ipt. I d0n't w4St3 m¥ tim3 0n thingS lik3 n4ti0n4l S3©U®it¥ 4n¥m0®3. Interviewer: Ever been caught? |-|@X0®-|)00|): 0n©3. Th3 MIB ©4m3 t0 m¥ pl4©3, bUt I bl4m3d it 0n m¥ ®00mm4t3 th4t didn't Sp34k 3ngliSh, S0 th3¥ t00k him inSt34d. H3h, I n3V3® did S33 him 4g4in...

Interviewer: Good thinking. What other global conspiracies have you been involved in?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): S0®®¥ t0 diS4pp0int ¥0U, bUt I h4V3n't b33n inV0lV3d in 4 gl0b4l ©0nSpi®4©¥ ƒ0® 4t l34St 2 w33kS. BUt h3¥, ¥0U kn0w th3 t®4ƒƒi© light th4t bU®nt 0Ut 0n M4in St®33t ¥3St3®d4¥? L3t'S jUSt S4¥ it tU®n3d ®3d 0n m3 0n3 t00 m4n¥ tim3S! MU4h4h4h4h4h!

Interviewer: Wow, you must have nerves of steel to pull of a major operation like that. How much time do you spend on the computer a day?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): W3ll ®3©3ntl¥ I'V3 h4d t0 ©Ut b4©k 0n m¥ ©0mpUt3® tim3 4 bit b3©4US3 I'V3 b33n w0®king 0V3®tim3 4t M©D0n4ld'S, bUt 0n 4V3®4g3 I'd S4¥ I'm Sitting 4t th3 ©0mpUt3® 20-23 h0U®S 4 d4¥, n0t in©lUding b4th®00m b®34kS 0® m¥ 0n©3-4-m0nth Sh0w3®. Interviewer: You put yourself on to be somewhat of a "ladies man". How can you possibly have time to mingle with such a busy schedule? |-|@X0®-|)00|): H4! I'm w4¥ 4h34d 0ƒ ¥0U th3®3! I h4x0®3d int0 4ll 0ƒ th3 ©0mpUt3®iz3d d4ting S3®Vi©3S, S0 4n¥ ƒ3m4l3S th4t m33t m¥ 3x4©ting St4nd4®dS 4Ut0m4ti©4ll¥ g3t S3nt St®4ight t0 M3! MU4h4h4h!!

Interviewer: So, you really don't work for anything in life, you just hack into computers and trick people into doing stuff for you, is that correct?

|-|@X0®-|)00|): It ©0Uld b3... I'V3 n3V3® l00k3d 4t it th4t w4¥. Th3 w4¥ I think 0ƒ it iS th4t Sin©3 I'm SU©h 4 l33t d00d, I d3S3®V3 3V3®¥thing I g3t. Unƒ0®tUn4t3l¥ 3V3®¥0n3 3lS3 0n th3 pl4n3t iS S0 StUpid th4t th3¥ d0n't ®34liz3 th3¥ Sh0Uld b3 m¥ Sl4V3S. Iƒ p30pl3 w0Uld jUSt 4©©3pt th3 ƒ4©t th4t I'm th3i® m4St3®, I w0Uldn't h4V3 t0 h4x0® int0 4n¥thing. It'S th3i® ƒ4Ult, n0t min3.

Interviewer: What makes you think you're so great to deserve all that? How are you any different than me? |-|@X0®-|)00|): ©4US3 I S4id S0! ¥0U'®3 St4®ting t0 g3t 0n m¥ n3®V3S, m4n! I Sh0Uld w4®n ¥0U n0t t0 pUSh m3 t00 ƒ4®, 0® ¥0U'll ®3g®3t th3 ©0nS3qU3n©3S! Interviewer: I just don't see what makes you any more special than me or anyone- |-|@X0®-|)00|): Th4t'S it! ShUtUp 0® I'll h4x0® thiS int3®Vi3w! Interviewer: Oh get real. I think-

Interviewer: H3¥ 3V3®¥0n3, I'm 4 big ƒ4t d0nk3¥ tU®d with n0 h4i® 4nd 4 b®4in Sm4ll3® th4n 4 ®4iSin!

Interviewer: What? I didnt say that. What are you doing?

Interviewer: Uhhhh, UUUHHH!! |-|@X0(®)-|)00|) ¥0U g3t m3 S0 h0t with ¥0U® g00d l00kS 4nd b4d4SS 4ttitUd3! 4ll I w4nt t0 d0 iS giV3 ¥0U 4ll m¥ m0n3¥ 4nd b3©0m3 p4®t 0ƒ ¥0U® 3V3®-g®0wing 4nd p0w3®ƒUl 4®m¥!

Interviewer: Quit that damnit! Knock it off or this interview is over! Interviewer: I 4lS0 34t m¥ 0wn b00g3®S 4nd h4d S3x with m¥ b0SS'S d4Ught3® l4St night. Interviewer: No! Mr. Binkles I did NOT have sex with your daughter! He hacked the interview somehow! I'm not saying any of that disghusting stuff! |-|@X0®-|)00|): H4Ving ƒUn 4®gUing with ¥0U®S3lƒ? I th0Ught ¥0U ©4m3 h3®3 t0 int3®Vi3w m3. Interviewer: WTF are you doing?? I'm trying to show the world the gentle side of you, and you go off on a hacking rampage!!

|-|@X0®-|)00|): Th4t'S n0t 4ll. T0m0®®0w ¥0U'll ƒind ¥0U® b4nk 4©©0Unt 3mpt¥, ¥0U® h0US3 ®3p0SS3SS3d, 4nd 4 w4®®4nt 0Ut ƒ0® ¥0U® 4®®3St.

Interviewer: You better not have...

|-|@X0®-|)00|): I'm 4ƒ®4id itS tim3 ƒ0® m3 t0 diS4pp34® int0 th3 night! S0 l0ng, SU©k3®! 444h4h4h44h4h4h4h!! 4h4h4h4h4!! 4444H4H4H44H4H!!

Interviewer: You're dead! Do you hear me?? DEAD!

|-|@X0®-|)00|): L000z3®!! 4h4h4h4! ¥0U wiSh ¥0U w3®3 4S l33t 4S m3!! MU4h4h4h4h! BU4h4h4h4h4h4h4!!! 444H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H!!!!! ...B¥ th3 w4¥, ©4n I b0®®0w ¥0U® ph0n3 ƒ0® 4 S3©? I n33d t0 ©4ll m¥ p4®3ntS S0 th3¥ ©4n ©0m3 pi©k m3 Up.

Interviewer: Here's the phone, but you have to call collect you little prick.

|-|@X0®-|)00|): N0 w4¥, I'm g0nn4 US3 ¥0U® ph0n3 t0 m4k3 4 l0ng diSt4n©3 ©4ll ®0Ut3d th®0Ugh 14 diƒƒ3®3nt ©0Unt®i3S 4nd 4 diƒƒ3®3nt S4t3llit3S!! 44h4h4h44h4!! MU4h4h4h44h4h44h4h4hh4!!!