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Cool Stuff: LamerKatz Chronicles Reloaded!!! | White Screen of Death!!! | Never-Ending Secret Order Initiation!!!

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The Never-Ending Initation of the Secret Order of the Sacred Aimbot

It's time to be perfectly frank... I've lost all hope for mankind. You see, after publishing The Secret Order of the Sacred Aimbot (read it first if you haven't already), a strange thing began to happen. In that E-Mail Fun, I answered a simple aimbot request with an over-the-top, totally outrageous invitation to join to highly secret aimbot syndicate, "The Secret Order of the Sacred Aimbot."

Alas, because of my world renowned "idiot attracting" abilities, I have since been swarmed with e-mails from people wanting to join this "Secret Order." My replies typically went along the lines of what you'll read below. Keep in mind I pulled identical stunts with several other people, but this one went the best...

Subject: Aimbot
Date: Thu, 22 May 2003 05:52:49 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

"I aquarius, accept the terms indicated in the membership clause 0219-B of the Order of the Sacred Aimbot, subsection A92."

As noted in the original Secret Order E-Mail Fun, you commence initiation by e-mailing me with the following: "I (your name), accept the terms indicated in the membership clause 0219-B of the Order of the Sacred Aimbot, subsection A92." Little does he know the hazing he is in for...

Note: To those of you are thinking of being clever and e-mailing me another request, rest assured I'll no longer be replying to them.

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 01:22:26 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Greetings aquarius,

Thank you for your interest in joining the Secret Order of the Aimbot! Following Sacred Order guidelines, you must also accept joining condition 121.b, parts 21-33, before we can continue with the initiation process.

Thank you,
- DN

The question is... will he accept joining condition 121.b, parts 21-33?

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 12:40:21 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

"I aquarius, accept joining condition 121.b, parts 21-33.

Whew! I was worried there for a sec. Now, down to business.

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Fri, 30 May 2003 17:23:58 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Thank you, we can now move on to step 2 of the initiation, which is where you read and accept Association Article 23b and Enrollment Point 4.21.51 through 4.22.17.

Once we get your approval, we'll start the commencement and get you on your way.

- DN

Can you feel the suspense??? Will he accept Association Article 23b and Enrollment Point 4.21.51 through 4.22.17??!?!?!?!?

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 08:45:24 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I aquarius accept Association Article 23b and Enrollment Point 4.21.51 through 4.22.17.

Amazing! I wonder how long this could go on?

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 02:48:42 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Wonderful, your commencement into the Secret Order can now begin!

The first order of business in the commencement is for you to accept the following:
- Association Requirement A, B, and C
- Secret Club Provisions 4.1-5.7
- Hack Stipulation 3
- Bills 7 and 8 of the Quake3 Aimbot Act of 2000

Pending the acceptance of these requirements, you will be given full accessto the Secret Order website.

- DN

By this time, I had to start pulling out a thesaurus and looking up clever, offical-sounding new synonyms for "contract", and "article."

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 10:49:36 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I aquarius accept the following:
- Association Requirement A, B, and C
- Secret Club Provisions 4.1-5.7
- Hack Stipulation 3
- Bills 7 and 8 of the Quake3 Aimbot Act of 2000

Ooh boy, I saw that coming. But I have a mild suspicion he's not actually reading or accepting any of these. I think he's just doing a copy/paste on whatever I send him.

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 04:03:18 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Great. As you are now well versed in Secret Club Provisions 4.1-5.7, you undoubtedly know what comes next... the Account Creation Contract! Please read and sign the Account Creation Contact and fax it back to the Security Division of our offices (please inform me when you've done this so I can create your account).

- DN

Fax it back to our security offices? Will he take the bait?

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 11:41:55 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I aquarius have read and signed the Account Creation Contact and faxed it back to the Security Division of your offices.

Apparently, somehow, he managed to fax a non-existant contract to a non-existant fax machine at a non-existant security division to a non-existant organization. Amazing!

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 22:06:56 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Thanks. Now, to set up your account, we need you to accept Membership Account Terms 1-17, as well as provide us with a username and password that meet RSA-2100 Standards (as outlined in Membership Account Term 14.2). In the meantime, feel free to use the guest account to access the secure server (you will not have access to confidential areas though).

- DN

As thick-headed as this guy is, he started to notice we had accomplished very little in the last 10 e-mails, so it wasn't a total surprise when I got this e-mail:

Subject: the (Z) (6) wants to talk to you!
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 15:17:13 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

Aimbot!
--------------------
Get this free software to instantly communicate online with friends, family, coworkers, or anyone you choose.

Go to http://messenger.microsoft.com/friend/default.asp to download the software you need to get started.
Write down my e-mail address:
<****************>
Once installation is done, add me to your contact list using the Add button and this address.
----------
With this software, you can:
* Send instant messages--it's fast, easy, and free!
* See when your friends and family are online.
* Call a friend's computer for a voice chat.
* See when your friend is responding to a message.
* Get alerted when you receive new e-mail.
* Add emoticons to your messages.
Note: Some of these features may not be available when using Messenger on devices other than standard PCs.

Blast! Instant messaging software could foil my whole plan. Luckily, coming up with an excuse was a simple matter.

Subject: Re: the (Z) (6) wants to talk to you!
Date: Sat, 31 May 2003 22:11:50 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Microsoft Messenger does not meet the Secret Order Communication Protocol Requirements, and thus we are unable to provide communicative access through those means. However, AIM and ICQ are both viable options. But of course you should already know that, having read and accepted Secret Club Provision 5.2, which outlines "Allowed Instant Messaging and Chat Protocols".

- DN

Alas, he never did try to contact me on AIM or ICQ, and that was the last I heard about that. Instead, he sent me his username and password.

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 05:15:44 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I aquarius accept Membership Account Terms 1-17.
username - aquarius
password - MYSR8892

How could I possibly stall some more? ...How about making up some other ridiculous requirement on passwords?

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2003 03:19:24 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Your password does not meet RSA-2100 Standards. They state that all passwords must contain:
1. At least one uppercase letter
2. At least one lowercase letter
3. At least one number
4. At least one special symbol (!, @, #, $, %, ^, &, -, _, +, =)
5. At least 8 characters total

You have to accept the Website Access Regime too, before you can access the site.

- DN

Have you ever tried to come up with a password like that? One that you can actually remember? It's not easy!

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 15:15:37 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

password - A@i!$!b9n

Hmm... Asiisibgn? But more importantly, HE FORGET TO ACCEPT THE WEBSITE ACCESS REGIME!! MUAHAHA!!!

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sun, 01 Jun 2003 15:17:25 +0000
From: Abin Dasgupta <****************>
To: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I aquarius accept the Website Access Regime.
password - A@i!$!b9n

Aaah nuts. Too fast for me.

Subject: Re: Aimbot
Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2003 12:06:58 -0700
From: DarkNova <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: Abin Dasgupta <****************>

Okay, your account has been set up. We'll have a formal welcome party at the next general meeting (provided you accept the Welcome Party Ultimatum), but in the mean time you have full access to the Secret Order site.

Congratulations, let me know if you have any other questions/concerns.

- DN

You think that's the end? Oh no, we're just warming up!

Our exicting adventure continues!


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