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E-Mail Fun Grab Bag

This is basically a collection of E-Mail Fun's that started off good, but ended way too quickly to justify posting them in separate articles. But since they're still pretty damn funny, I figured I'll just save some work and post them all together.

This first one is in response to the now-infamous My Q3A CD-Key pic. Just because this guy wasn't fooled doesn't make him any less of an idiot.

Subject:
Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 13:22:17 -0700 (PDT)
From: "poppy" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

nice cd key i guess there are some idiots out there but a cd key like y4righ7youw4r3zmonk3y doesn't fool me. it actually means ya right ya warez monkey nice try and pretty clever might i add

Er, I suppose I'm supposed to thank him for pointing this out to me?

Subject: Re:
Date: Sat, 27 Jul 2002 16:16:47 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "poppy" <**********>

You mean it isn't real?? Damnit! And here I've been making an idiot of myself this whole time. Thanks for pointing out the error of my ways. It is an honor to meet a genius of such proportions. I have forwarded your message to my friends so we may all bask in your intelligence.

- DN

Perhaps I should ask poppy to become my mentor and spirit guide...

Subject: Re:
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 09:33:12 -0700 (PDT)
From: "poppy" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

hey look man why advertise that you can do or provide something if you dont. That is just a waste of space. ha ha ha funny man huh well enjoy your laugh but it is at your own expense

Eh, he came back for more.

Subject: Re:
Date: Mon, 29 Jul 2002 18:46:56 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "poppy" <**********>

Hmm, I see you're really struggling to come up with a decent comeback here...

"Laugh at my own expense" eh? No, actually I'm having a ball picturing the look on your face when you realized you got yourself all worked up over that fake cd-key and how upset it must have made you, given the fact that you bothered to e-mail me your whiny anecdote.

Do yourself a favor and don't read any of my aimbot parodies, or anything else on my site, as I'm sure they'll cause you to get all upset again and then I'll have to waste another minute of my life reading yet another bitch and moan e-mail from you.

- DN

Never heard back from him again, so I assume he stopped reading my site. Hey, poppy, nyah nyah, look at me, I'm making fun of you :P


This next e-mail is formatted according to those strict AOL e-mail style guidelines... (where the bulk of the information is contained in the subject instead of the body... and it's all done in CAPS)

Subject: AIMBOT
Date: Wed, 30 Jul 2003 00:00:04 EDT
From: "FireEagle" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I NEED IT

Uhh...?

Subject: Re: AIMBOT
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 22:23:24 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "FireEagle" <**********>

I HAVE IT

- DN

Okay... that was fun.


Sometimes I don't even know what the person is referring to. Case in point:

Subject:
Date: Sat, 26 Apr 2003 06:46:15 +0000
From: "Ass Fault" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

Hello
I would like to get more info on maybe joining to get this "Aimbot Insider" newsletter.

Thanks for your time

A quick google search on "Aimbot Insider" revealed that this was one of the perks of joining the Secret Order of the Sacred Aimbot. This seems like as good a time as any to ask for money.

Subject: Re:
Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 01:26:15 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "Ass Fault" <**********>

Mr. Ass Fault,

I'm writing to inform you that we never recieved a reply to our offer. To get a 1-year, 12-issue subscription, simply enclose $29.95 in your next e-mail (enclose an extra $3.49 for rush delivery). If you'd like to be billed at a later date, simply check "Bill me later."

Thanks you,
DarkNova
Subscription Manager - Aimbot Insider

No response. I guess I couldn't survive in the magazine industry.


Just having a little fun answering my 10,000th aimbot question.

Subject: about aimbot
Date: Mon, 23 Jun 2003 14:41:05 -0300
From: "Ass Fault" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

Hey man, there is a couple of guys that are getting me nervous with those couterstrike head shots, could you help me?????

tks

Hmm... nervous? I've got just the thing for that!

Subject: Re: about aimbot
Date: Tue, 1 Jul 2003 20:44:45 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "Ass Fault" <**********>

Absolutely, I can help you! Nervousness is type of stress brought on by agitation due to turmoil in your life. A brisk morning jog or some yoga will help you counteract the stress so you'll feel better. Eating more vegetables, drinking lots of water, and getting plenty of sleep are equally important.

Is that enough help or did you want something else from me?
- DN

I'm as helpful as ever.

Subject: Re: about aimbot
Date: Wed, 2 Jul 2003 10:52:43 -0300
From: "Ass Fault" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

Great! I think that now I would live a better life, and wake up everymorning more relaxed... I'll try to do that diet maybe It could help me on weight loss, too. But, if u could help me about the dam aimbot...

thank u man that was pretty funny , hehehehehehe

Whee! I never got around to giving this guy any real help, whoops.


Then, you get an e-mail where you just have no idea wtf the person is talking about...

Subject: Interested
Date: Sun, 15 Jun 2003 11:59:09 -0400
From: "Ass Fault" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

I am interested.
Would you E-Mail me back.

Thanks Jack Morris

...so generally you make something up...

Subject: Re: Interested
Date: Sun, 15 Jun 2003 11:29:03 -0700
From: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>
To: "Ass Fault" <**********>

In me? Are you cute?

- DN

...as I demonstrated here...

Subject: Not u
Date: Sun, 15 Jun 2003 16:39:24 -0400
From: "Ass Fault" <**********>
To: "DarkNova" <darknova@lamerkatz.com>

Not you, The Secret Order of the Aimbot.
Thanks for the return e-mail.
I accept the terms and wish to learn more about your secret organization.

I Jack Morris, accept the terms indicted in the membership clause 0219-B of the Order of the Sacred Aimbot, subsection A92.

Thanks
Jack Morris

...which causes him to finally explain wtf he's talking about, and as usual, it turns out to be aimbot related. Joy! I decided to let this guy off easy though, having just gone through The Never-Ending Initiation of the Secret Order of the Sacred Aimbot.


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