Submitted by Ctrl.Del

I'm gonna break away from the norm a bit with this, because it's not really a condump. It's a log from an IRC session. Funny nonetheless though.

The room i am mostly in is www.quake3world.irc #quake3 we get lots of Lamers in there all the time but up until recently us regulars had ops so we could kick people. The most common form of lameness is people (like Akira) coming into the room asking for help with Q3 and then saying that only idiots play Q3. It's not just Hypocrites though we get our fair share of L33t [-]4X0r's thse guys usually think that spamming the chat room with scripts is hacking.This happened today and is the entire conversation (unedited) from when project_Akira joined to when he left. He proved himself to be the definition of a Lamer.

Green = Ctrl (cool guy) talking
Yellow = Equim (another cool guy) talking
Red = project_Akira (lamer) talking
Lt. Blue = Anyone else talking

Here we have a nice, quiet, peaceful IRC channel... about to be shattered.

Joins: project_Akira (Q3Llama@max4-4-219-29.pyramid.net) [6 users]
<project_Akira> i have a question
<project_Akira> how do u run a time demo and get the fps?
<project_Akira> or how do u see the fps?
<project_Akira> anyone?
<Equim> Akira: /timedemo 1
Parts: project_Akira (Q3Llama@max4-4-219-29.pyramid.net) [5 users]

Didn't even say thanks? Ya jerk.

<Equim> before running a demo
<Equim> Gd, I hate when they do that
Joins: project_Akira (Q3Llama@max4-4-219-29.pyramid.net) [6 users]

Back already?

<project_Akira> where do u type that? Equim? in the console?
<project_Akira> cause i did and it said unknown command
<project_Akira> do i type it in when i start a new game?
<project_Akira> Equim?
<project_Akira> hello! this is supposed to be a fucking help channel, but none of u fucks talk, so wtf!!!!!
<project_Akira> i am trying to ask a simple question
<project_Akira> i am new to quake 3
<project_Akira> so just fucking tell me where to type it
<project_Akira> if your gay, don't talk
<project_Akira> hahaha

It's funny how lamers can amues themselves like this.

<project_Akira> fucking answer, somebody
<Ctrl> It's not a fucking help channel now Fuck off you llama
<Ctrl> You homophobic UT loving Fuck-wit
<project_Akira> fuck u cunt,
<project_Akira> ut is so much better then gay ass q3
* Ctrl adds Akira to ban when opped list
<project_Akira> oh, wooopppidety fucking dooo!
<Ctrl> thought you'd like that
<project_Akira> aren't u a fucking man
<Ctrl> a bit of attention
<Ctrl> feeling lonely?
<Equim> hehhe
<project_Akira> i just wanted to fucking know how to get the fps and no one fucking answers me
<project_Akira> i just wanted to fucking know how to get the fps and no one fucking answers me
<Ctrl> he told you you IDIOT
<project_Akira> u peice of shit cunts
<project_Akira> with your crapy ass computers
<project_Akira> and i said it was an unknown command
<Ctrl> And this is not a fucking help channel where the fuck does it say help ?????
<project_Akira> it doesn't
<Ctrl> sounds like yrr PC is the crappy one
<Ctrl> can't even do a timedemo
<project_Akira> but u are supposed to be fucking curtious
<Ctrl> Equim was curtious you flamed and i responded
<project_Akira> i have a fuckin athlon 850mhz with geforce ddr

His daddy bought it for him to make up for the years of neglect, of course.

<Equim> Oh it'sthe curtious channel now is it?
<project_Akira> fuck fuck off
<Ctrl> did i ask what PC you had
<Ctrl> ?
<project_Akira> so bit that
<Ctrl> hahaha
<project_Akira> u said i had a crappy one
<Ctrl> for a Lamer you are entertaining
<project_Akira> so i fucking shoved it in yo face
<Ctrl> err shove what?
<Ctrl> i have your ip
<Ctrl> :D
<project_Akira> u are a fucking lamer, u fucking q3, id loving peice of horse shit
<Ctrl> hahaha
<project_Akira> so, shove my ip in yo ass

LOL! "Shove my ip in yo ass"! I should go into bars and start fights with that line.

<Ctrl> nice and 'curtious'
<project_Akira> i didn't do anything
<project_Akira> so i ain't worried about it
<Ctrl> you swore at someone helping you
<project_Akira> he didn't fucking help me
<project_Akira> he just led me to more questions
<Ctrl> he answered your question correctly
<Equim> {:|
<Ctrl> it you that is doing something wrong
<Ctrl> you type /timedemo in the console
<Ctrl> that's it
<project_Akira> and i asked him how i do the answer he gave me, and he fucking never answered
<Ctrl> Maybe he has a life unlike you
<Equim> gee I'm so sorryI didn't pay 100% attention to you
<Ctrl> maybe a friend came around
<project_Akira> not if he plays q3
<project_Akira> lmao
<Ctrl> pick your ass up
<project_Akira> q3 is for fucking limey cunts
<Ctrl> so why are you so desperate to get help regarding it?
<project_Akira> pick your ass up??? wtf, are u some kind of a fagget
<Ctrl> you must be a limey cunt
<Ctrl> you said lmao
<project_Akira> i wanted to see my fps so i can compare it with my friends
<Ctrl> so i suggest you pick it up b4 you bleed to death
<project_Akira> u can't pick up a cunt, unless i shoved my foot in yo ass so far it picks itself up

You can tell this guy is a cool gangsta because he keeps saying "yo".

<Ctrl> if you can't even type a word in the console i suggest finding a friend may be tricky
<project_Akira> i will have sex with a dog
<Ctrl> damn im gonna cut n paste this into the UT forum
<project_Akira> go ahead limey
<Ctrl> hell im gonna send it to LamerKatz
<Ctrl> you just might be lamer of the week
<Ctrl> people will hack you for fun
<project_Akira> cool!
<project_Akira> u are my new buddy
<project_Akira> :)
<Ctrl> great want to haves sex with me?
<project_Akira> can i meet your sister
<Ctrl> i don't have a sister
<pk> ctrl
<pk> ignore =)
<Ctrl> yup
<pk> thats even more fun
<Ctrl> no this is going to LamerKatz
<Ctrl> gonna cut n paste it
<Ctrl> this guy is so easy
<Ctrl> and he's not had the sense to quit yet
<project_Akira> not as easy as yo mamma
<project_Akira> oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
<project_Akira> dis!!!!!!
<project_Akira> booommm shaka laka
<Ctrl> ahaha
<project_Akira> i got yo cvold
<project_Akira> cold
<Ctrl> im sorry?
<project_Akira> only fags laugh like ahaha
<Ctrl> homophobe
<project_Akira> like yo granny!
<Ctrl> you seem scared of gay people
<project_Akira> somebody stop me!
<Ctrl> and you don't know what the word homophobe means
<project_Akira> i am on fire!!
<Ctrl> shouldn't you be in School?
<Equim> project_Akira: I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offense against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?
<pk> he gguys
<pk> please
<pk> ignore him
<Equim> hehehe
<Equim> but it's almost too much fun
<project_Akira> i will leave then if u don't want tobe my friends
<project_Akira> :(
<Ctrl> bye
<project_Akira> :~(
<Ctrl> don't cry
<pk> ctrl stop it
<pk> ignore him
<pk> and he will leave
<Ctrl> you got someone to notice you that's an achievement
<project_Akira> see ya later nigga limey goat cunt ridden horse cock eaten mother fucken, jaba the hut fucking janet reno eaten mother fucking mother fuckers
<Equim> whoah! what an amazing insult!

Bah... he didn't even spell "Jabba" right :(

<project_Akira> hell yeah
<pk> hello equim hows it going?
<Equim> Thous seem wroth
<Equim> Hey pk :)
<Equim> Just havin' some fun
<project_Akira> ok see ya niggas
Quits: project_Akira (Q3Llama@max4-4-219-29.pyramid.net) (Quit: Leaving)

If only life was always this fun.